


5 Things Kita-san Can’t Do

by semishirazawa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AtsuKita is implied, Day 3 - Team, Gen, M/M, Written For KitaBdayWeek2020, the team loves their captain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:02:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25128961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/semishirazawa/pseuds/semishirazawa
Summary: "So Shinsuke went to her and tried to help by making faces and all 'cause the mother was busy getting cash out of the cash machine outside the store, but, yanno, the baby didn't laugh. She did stop crying, to his credit, but didn't laugh either, so when Shinsuke tried again to get a smile from her, she, oh—" he breaks into laughter, "— ya wouldn't believe what she did. She threw her rattle at Shinsuke, and only then did he really give up."Alt. Title: Inarizaki loves their Captain
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke & Inarizaki Volleyball Club, Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 35
Kudos: 235
Collections: Kita Birthday week 2020





	5 Things Kita-san Can’t Do

_Click_.

The call of a cuckoo is barely audible over the static. Something covers the microphone. Muffled murmurs take over the static, some incoherent shouts lazily increasing in volume and pitch. They become clearly audible. "Stop the ball, 'Tsumu you bastard!" An unknown object crashes onto the the microphone, a shrill buzz taking over all other noises.

_Click_.

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_Click_.

There is a buzz. Someone clears their throat. "So... It's July and Kita-san's birthday is in July. So this time, we, InaKou's Boys' Volleyball Club, have decided to record something special on tape—" the speaker is interrupted by another voice, "Just get on with it Atsumu, we have only one tape." The first speaker resumes speaking, "Okay, fine. Without further ado, five things Kita-san can't do."

"Which," the first speaker adds, "dear Sunarin, won't be used for blackmail." 

"Pity," another new voice follows.

_Click_.

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_Click_.

"Number one, Kita-san can't say no to his grandmother. With me, I have our very own Ōmimi Ren-san, who will tell us why Captain Kita-san can't do that." 

Sounds of static make themselves heard as the microphone is moved through the air.

"Well," the new speaker starts, "he just can't. I've never seen him do it." Someone—presumably the first speaker—whispers something. The new speaker resumes, "Atsumu, I can't elaborate on that, Shinsuke doesn't say no to his grandmother, that's all. Isn't he the ideal grandchild? You, for one, wou—"

_Click_.

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_Click_.

"Number two, Kita-san can't make babies laugh, though he can stop them from crying. Supporting this is our amazing libero, Akagi Michinari-san. Akagi-san," the microphone is moved again, air crackling with every movement. "Shinsuke can't make babies laugh, like, at all. Yanno, once in our first year, one day practice ended really late. There was this team from Miyagi, some castle, some Seijoh...? Eh, anyway, their jerseys, even the practice ones were all turquoise and white and we're all maroon and black so it looked really amazin', but uh... where was I? 

"Yeah, practice ended really late an' we were on our way to our homes but we stopped at a conbini to grab some latte, 'cause we didn't have any water because it was summer, an'... There was a kid, I'd say 'bout 1 and a half, an' her mother was with her, but she'd dropped a pacifier so she was crying really loud. An' she couldn't get the pacifier back, because, well, who puts a dirty pacifier into a baby's mouth? Don't answer that. 

"So Shinsuke went to her and tried to help by making faces and all 'cause the mother was busy getting cash out of the cash machine outside the store, but, yanno, the baby didn't laugh. She did stop crying, to his credit, but didn't laugh either, so when Shinsuke tried again to get a smile from her, she, oh—" he breaks into laughter, "— ya wouldn't believe what she did. She threw her rattle at Shinsuke, and only then did he really give up." 

Two voices continue laughing, before a wave of static comes in.

_Click_.

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_Click_.

"Numb..." The first speaker laughs.

"Number three, Kita-san can't sit on plastic chairs. Our one and only ace, Ojiro Aran-san, who, if I might add, has a really good sense of humour, will now help us see why. A-ran-kun~"

A loud, pompous voice echoes.

"What's with the sudden change in honorifics? Osamu, you! Stop supporting him from behind there, come back here! Gin! Help me! Before Kita comes back!"

The microphone is moved in all directions causing endless crackles and static.

The newest speaker begins to talk, the static steadily vanishing.

"Alright. Here we go. Kita really doesn't like static electricity. That's also why he wears his jacket like an actress out of an action movie—" a muffled whine makes itself heard "—yes, Atsumu, it looks cool, couldja stop repeating that!? See? Now I'm off-track. Kita really dislikes static electricity, and because plastic chairs are well-established banks of that, even if you threaten him with a gun, he's not going to sit on one. I guarantee—"

The first speaker cuts him off. 

"Oh my god, Aran-kun, that was an excellent pun!"

Another voice chimes in, "Gu-Aran-teed!"

"Atsumu, Osamu, you tw—"

_Click_.

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_Click_.

  
  


"Number four. Kita-san can't eat watermelons without a fork. I, Miya Atsumu will be backing this myself. Kita-san and I were eating watermelons at his place last summer, and he only invited me—" A shrill static creeps in as the microphone is violently shaken. "Let me correct him," a familiar yet new voice takes control, "he wasn't the only one invited because he wasn't even invited, this arse invited himself to Kita-san's place, he still does, this big fat moron is—" The microphone is violently shaken again. 

The first speaker regains control over the microphone, "Thank ya so much, 'Samu, ya jerk!" He clears his throat. "As I was sayin', Kita-san an' I were eating watermelons at his place last summer, but he was using a fork. I asked him why, and he said that he doesn't like the stickiness of the water, or juice, whatever you'd call it. He said it reminds him of dirt that needs to be scrubbed clean, so he'd rather not have watermelon at all if he doesn't have a fork or any other cutlery. Of course, unless he only has watermelons— 'Samu don't ya dare stop recordi—"

_Click_.

  
  


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_Click._

"So..." The pompous voice begins. A few sounds of static follow, but they have reduced considerably. 

The first speaker soon takes over. "Kita-san. Number five. You can't possibly be a better captain."

"Yeah. This is Suna Rintarou. You're the best captain we could ever ask for. I mean it."

"Miya Osamu here. So what if you're not a regular? Without you, Captain, we're compost."

"Ginjima Hitoshi. It's you who keeps us grounded, Kita-san. It's you who inspires us."

"Aran, I managed to get to the mic. Kita, we're proud to have you as our captain. We are proud to be _your teammates._ "

"Ren. So, today, on your special day, even if you don't consider it to be that special, we wish you all the happiness in the world."

"Michinari here. We wish that this year may be as glorious and brilliant as you, and may you never need memories because we'll always be with you, there for you, Shinsuke."

"Riseki Heisuke here, Captain. We wish you peace of mind and good health, and like you said, your muscles are proof of your practice, and our progress is proof of the legacy you'll leave here, Kita-san. We will make you proud!"

"Atsumu. Captain. You are our pillar of strength and support. Happy, happy birthday, Kita-san!"

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_Click_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated!


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